Just In Case You Were Wondering

The Ducks are 4-10 in season openers. The Sharks are worse, with a 3-9-2 record.

Picture: Jenna Jameson representing the benefits of sucking to get things started

Two and a half hours till the season gets kickin'. Why do I live vicariously through extremely well-conditioned men that reside in the Bay Area? "Because you need to delay the inevitable realization that you will die alone." Touche, hands. Touche.