Pittsburgh (5-2-2) @ San Jose (7-2-0)
Paul and Eddy's Bar, Cupertino.....
Hacksaw: (drunkenly singing) "WHEN I TOUCH YOU LIKE THIS, AND YOU HOLD ME LIKE THAT, IT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE BUT IT'S ALL-"
Mr. Plank: Holy shit Hacksaw, this shit again? We're not in Canada- no one takes Celine seriously here in the states. And to answer your inevitable question, we're not going to watch Titanic for the forty second time tonight. By the way, when are you going to get your own place?
Hacksaw: (drunkenly weeping) "Coming back to me now....."
Mr. Plank: Good lord, good lord. What was I thinking signing you. I'm calling The Pensblog right now. They'll know how to straighten you out. You always said they were good at shooting you straight, right to your face.
(Phone rings)
Answering Machine: "You have reached the offices of Pensblog Incorporated. If you are interested in advertising on our site, please press 1. If this call is concerning placing an ad in a game wrap up please press 2. Any other concerns can be answered in person- head down to Donny's Place on Herron Ave. We'll be there all night."
Mr. Plank: Damn.
Hacksaw: Hey waitress, hey, HEY WAITRESS! What does a guy need to do to get a drink around here? You're nothing but a HOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Mr. Plank: I highly doubt you need another drink, but what the hell- three Shirley Temples apiece, on me. Going big tonight.
Waitress: Whatever you say guys. And would you be so kind as to leave an actual tip this time? I'm fairly certain most businesses in California don't accept expired lottery tickets as a valid form of currency.
Hacksaw: Watver waitreress. I'll have a gass of milk tooo. And don't take the timee to mik the cow!
Mr. Plank: Ho-ly schmokes. Are you sure you're going to be ready for the big game tomorrow?
Hacksaw: If I've lurned one ting, it's that I can alwassy get up for the boys at Pensblog.
Mr. Plank: Fair enough- I have a feeling we're going to be tested tonight. Thus far we've played teams who, coming into the game, were 4-12-2. Not exactly the cream of the crop. The Penguins sure are going to prove to be a formidable challenge.
Hacksaw: Nothing like a challenge- watch me attempt to pole vault over that table of drunk, rowdy, heavily tattooed bikers with this pool cue. I bet they're armed too.
Mr. Plank: (places gold-covered chocolate coins on the table) Alright, Titanic it is.
Hacksaw: "THERE WERE THE NIGHTS WHEN THE WIND WAS SO COLDDDDD......"
Prediction: Sharks win 4-3. Goals by Clowe, Gooch, Vlasic, and Boyle.
Go Sharks.
12 comments:
the gooch's goals are always rad
Your treatment of Hacksaw is a bit harsh.
Funny stuff!
GO PENS!
Hacksaw = bigger sellout than Marian Hossa.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Go Pens!, and a hello from Pensblogland.
Solid post as always Mr. Plank.
But it's ON tonight.
Go Pens!!!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSER!
best of luck, itll be a fun game to watch!
sykora buries it, im calling it.
<3 anthony via thepensblog.
Pickles with a goal??? lol
Whoa there, tough guy!
Go Pens
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Nice post Mr.Plank. Gonna be a good game tonight
Plank, Hacksaw is treading dangerously close to Dr. Rockso territory...he needs an intervention. He's worthless to you if he's sloshed all the time, singing Celine songs and insulting the help.
ThePensBlog Jonny V
Hacksaw will be no motivation to the Sharks if he's that drunk. You should consider trading him to the Oilers or something.
yeeeeeeee
I smell blood in the water and so do the Sharks!Woooooooooooo!
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